Thursday, May 27, 2010

Letting Go

i took hours looking over photography to find the perfect photos to express exactly how i feel. But it's hard when i'm not sure if i really know how i feel at all. (You can find the credits for the photos by clicking on them.)

My boyfriend and i broke up.

We were together 10 1/2 months & we both honestly thought we were going to get married. We actually started looking at engagement rings, i knew exactly which 4 girls would be my bridesmaids, & I was starting to save up for our first place together. I love him so much i would die for him. Sounds dramatic, but thats the point. Words can't really express how much he means to me.

In the past couple of days i've had some time to think. i have come to realise that my whole world has been based on this relationship, and even though i didn't know all the details, i kind of had my future planned out in my head. We'd get married next summer, find a cute 2 bedroom apartment in Hamilton, I'd stay being an intern at my church and he'd probably find full-time work, we'd make music together, later on we'd have 2 girls and 2 boys, and somehow one day travel the world preaching and sharing God's love with people...

And now i'm single.

i am sad that it's over, but im not feeling depressed. We are still good friends and might one day get back together, you never know. But im actually starting to get excited about the future. I was talking with a friend today and i said something pretty profound by accident; my life is now like a blank canvas. Well not completely blank, but so much of who i thought i was, has been erased, and thats not necessarily bad, just different. Very different.

What will my life look like now ?

God has given some real amazing friends recently that i am just so thankful for; i don't know how i'd be coping without them. And the love and peace of God has just covered me completely, like a beautiful, fluffy blanket. He is holding my heart through a rough time. He is my best friend.

I am smiling in the rain.

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